i was riding the jeepney earlier from aian's house. looking in his sincere eyes, i heard this song play in my head. and i just couldn't help but say to myself, "why not fall in-love again with him?"
i don't know whether or not i'm desperate or just filling a void. i'm still caught up with my past and i'm still determining my real self. but throughout all those things, aian has been really there for me. and i just can't help but say, he deserves my sincerity.
i'm not the kind to back out once i'm not comfortable. but i'm starting to love him all over again.
when i met him over a year ago, i had to leave him because of bridget. i avoided him everyday. he would call me and i wouldn't pick up. it just felt like i didn't want him to have to choose between his girlfriend for 3 years and me. and just last march 24, he and i decided to give us a try. no more agreements. just him and i. no 3rd parties unknown.
and i was at the verge of telling him it was over. i just couldn't lead him on. but as he held the umbrella over my head and a kiss on my cheek, i heard his voice saying "i'm trying". and that made me feel like it was only right for me to try also.
i'm not supposed to love jafe anymore. and as i sat there on that jeepney beside him, i couldn't help but hear both our hearts sigh within the coldness of the night. his heart was saying, "i need you because i love you." while mine said, "i love you because i need you."
i need to give in for a while. i know it sounds stupid. but it's the only fair things to do. sometimes fair things aren't right, but right things aren't fair too. i'd rather be fair than being right. there's still time to be with him to know him better. and i'm in no rush...
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