my new... busy life

i know i haven't been the best of myself lately. i haven't managed to blog until now. at this very moment (perhaps even as you read it), i am studying for my 6 subjects. but among all that i failed to do, i have managed to insult people anyway. so really, i haven't failed at all. much to my demise, it was something i have constantly tried to change about myself.

i was sitting at a kiosk near the chapel. it was the best place to sit at because everyone was studying and they were all very respectful. that was until this idiot came by the kiosk.

"yawa kaayo si gerard! naligo lang kog singot sa wala!" he cussed loudly. i was striken by the sentence not because he mentioned a devil, but because he was in school and he acted like a barbarian. i thought that it would be over. so i read again my book on obligations and contracts so i would be able to pass if ever i would be called for oral recitation.

"yawa!" he screamed repeatedly. i slammed my book down and said, "excuse me"

apparently, he didn't hear me. so i said again, "excuse me!" but he ignored me again. it was his classmate who noticed my slight anger who called his attention. but still he ignored the call.

"kinahanglan jud lugar magsinggit2?" i screamed in reply. his friends stopped laughing and warned him. i swear, if he didn't back down from cursing so much, i would have given him something to really curse about.

but when i rested my head for a while, i saw my classmate before. she was awfully, intellectually challenged. the answer was right in front of her, but still she would not know the answer. in my reaction to her presence, i grunted, "naa napod na xa."

my friend claire and a stranger turned their heads to her direction and asked why. then i had to open my mouth.

"nagtuo najud ko na naay tao na bugok tungod nya. she's so damn stupid. gihatag na nako ang books a month before. i gave her the term paper in advanced, but then she still didn't know the answer! i was so mad because it was the defense of the paper. i had to cut her everytime she spoke just so she could save herself from embarrassment. she's pretty. but really... she didn't do anything for the paper because she couldn't type the paper for the both of us because she couldn't even produce a simple sentence. i did all of the work and all she had to do was read the references and the paper itself."

but then when i was in law, i realized i said the wrong things. i had no right to call her stupid. i had no right to talk about her that badly. and yes, i'm so super sorry when i said those things. she might have been stupid on certain aspects, but not on others which are yet to be discovered. and if i had a moment to change exactly what i said, i would. i never meant to hurt her whether she knew about what i said or not.

as i left law, i saw antoin and asked him whether i was wrong. he said no because she was asking for it. she's pretty, she had to give more. she was stupid because she really didn't do what she needed to do. but that was according to him. i couldn't remember any other time when i felt like, even if the jury agreed that i was innocent, i remained guilty. this is when conscience really bites.

i've been so super confident with myself that i stepped on other people. i've tried incessantly to change. i love some versions of me. but this version of me is not good. it's not what is best for everyone. i can't hurt people anymore. and i have to start now.


alongside that, i have to read mountains of essays and books. and this is my schedule until august.

mondays-wednesdays-fridays

8:30-9:20 philo 63
9:30-10:20 philo 44
10:30-11:30 ph 54
11:30-12:30 LUNCH
12:30-1:00 review
1:00-1:50 philo 30
2:00-2:30 relax
2:30-3:45 review/ homework
4:00-6:00 rehearsal
6:30-7:00 dinner
7:00-7:30 net
7:30-9:00 study


tuesdays-thursdays
6:00 wake up
6:00-6:30 net
6:30-7:00 breakfast
7:00-11:00 study
11:00-12:00 lunch
12:00-1:00 ready
1:00-2:00 review
2:20-2:50 review (school)
2:50-4:00 philo 57
4:00- 5:30 review for law
5:40-7:00 Law 1
7:00-7:30 relax/ go home
8:00-9:00 study



this is how i am to live in the next two months.