well. i'd be lying if i said that i'm not hurt about my friend glaiza. and i'd be lying even more if i said that things have been even better since we last fought. but yeah... you get the picture.
after calling me stupid and untrainable, and after a few sorry's, it felt as if i just stopped caring. i got tired and well... things got rougher and rougher every day.
i can't talk to her about it since she's always right. i'm always the one who over reacts and i'm always the one who is wrong. i never listen and she says i always blame her. and it's funny... but i just got tired of it all. from lying to myself and to eventually, lying to her about me being alright. and nothing will ever change...
i heard somewhere that it's better i don't have friends being myself than having alot of friends but not being myself. but that's not entirely my issue. i think somewhere after many months of being notoriously hurt, i found out something. friends never try to litterally hurt you, embarass you or make you wish you were never born. yeah sure they make you realize a few truths... but at least they don't try to hurt you constantly.
and i guess it's easier to talk about glaiza that way since she's the only one who really listens anyway. and it's easier to somewhat point to her all my anger because well... she gives me the chance to be right sometimes.
i'm just whining about having to try to be mature about it all. i never thought maturity was something i had to work for. but i had to think above constantly. i was never given the chance to be right and be myself at the same time. like really... i look myself in the mirror and i don't recognize what i see anymore. i don't know myself anymore. and it really bites.
is it really better to give my friends up even though i won't have any in the process if they hurt me? hmmm...
i'm just afraid that if i lose my friends and soon, aian, where does that leave me?
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