reality comes back

Chapter ten
It late in the afternoon when Raymond went by my house when I was still sitting in my chair clearly perplexed. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to go back to school. I didn’t want to have to re-face everyone, everything, every lie and every truth. And worse, I didn’t want to face the responsibility.
Raymond walked in and found the letter on the table. He seemed joyful with his entrance. His hair bounced on his porcelain skin.
“what’s this?” he asked while picking it up. When he read it, his face turned from curiosity to blazing anger.
“what’s this?!” he screamed. I stammered to answer his question.
“it’s a letter for expulsion” I replied.
“why didn’t you tell me how bad you have been in school?” he asked. I couldn’t answer.
“do you want to go to school?” he asked. I avoided the constant glare of his eyes.
“no. not yet.” I said. My eyes were pretending to concentrate on the painting of a cat on the wall.
“well. You have to be ready by tomorrow. We have to go to church and after that, we’re leaving for the city. You have to decide tonight if you still want to go to school.” He declared. There was not a single tone of fear or tremble in his voice. He was as straight as a pole and as determined as ever.
“I don’t want to go.” I said. My voice seemed smaller than the usual. It seemed begging the Raymond to understand me.
“did you think that through?” he asked. I paused to think and then…I nodded my head.
“you are just so stubborn aren’t you Chelsea? You are just a scaredy cat.” He pointed out. I stood up and grabbed the letter from his hand and tore it in half. I ticked with anger. His eyes popped with surprise yet he was still as angry as ever.
“you don’t know what you’re talking about!” I screamed while storming out of the room. he tore after me and held tight against my arm.
“I know exactly what I’m talking about. Now sit down!” he ordered while pushing me to sit down on the chair. The chair made a big squeak as I bounced off it. I stood back up.
“you don’t get to tell me what to do! You… you asshole!” I screamed. He was taken aback. He stumbled across a few plastic cups.
“you don’t get to tell me what to do.” I repeated with tears starting to pop from the corners of my eyes.
“you’re scared Chelsea. And it’s alright to be scared.” He started. picking up the glasses that fell on the floor and put them on the counter, he moved slower than his prior actions.
“I’m not! Every one thinks that I’m someone who needs guidance but I don’t! I don’t need guidance! Everyone who guides people starts to…” I stopped. I sat down on the chair near the counter. He came closer to me. I could hear his steps slice through the silence around us.
“starts to what Chelsea?” he whispered in me ear.
“starts to leave you?” he continued. I kept silent while trying my best to be strong. He hit the target.
“just like your mom and dad? How they left a nine year old to the care of an aunt who allowed her husband to abuse you while mommy and daddy were in phuket and Hawaii on a business tour? And the little girl I loved so much was left to take care of Andrew. While everyone else filled you in with poison, you had to stand up.” He said. He knew exactly what he was talking about. I turned around to seek comfort in his arms.
“stop being scared Chelsea. Nobody is ever the same as all those horrible people. I’m here for you. I never left you then, and I’m not leaving you now.” He said.
“just go to school on monday.” He said softly.
“I don’t want to…” I returned.
“Chelsea. Please? For me.” He begged. I kept silent for a while until I finally agreed.
“go pack your bags Chelsea. You have got to start pretending to be strong and actually start being strong.” He said. His started tucking my hair behind my ear. His left hand went for his pocket and grabbed a handkerchief.
“stop crying now. You’ve got to get it together.” He advised. Soon enough, somewhere between him pouring me a glass of water and watching TV, he turned on the radio and listened for news.
“why didn’t you turn on the set?” I asked. his hands were twisting the knob, trying to find a signal.
“it doesn’t work” he replied. He was so focused on what he was doing that he didn’t notice the time. It was almost dinner time.

“would you like to stay for dinner?” I asked. my nose was still stuffy and itchy.
“no. I’m going home later.” He said, still pre-occupied with what he was doing.
“what are you waiting for?” I asked while rubbing a table cloth around my hands.
“you to fall asleep.” He answered. When finally he found the station, it buzzed a few times but he was still able to make out what the announcer was saying.
“there is…. Buzz!.. thirty percent….rain” it stuttered. He turned it off automatically after that.
“so…” I said to break the silence, “are we still going then?”
“of course we are. There is still a 70 percent chance it won’t rain. And I’m willing to bust my ass and drive you back home.” He said while facing me. He smiled lightly.
“but I am home” I retorted. I sat back down on the couch and stared at him as if I wanted to play mind games.
“oh yeah?” he sarcastically asked. he seemed distracted by something out the window and went near it.
“I’m always home when you’re near Raymond.” I mumbled.
“and the boyfriend?” he asked. obviously, he heard me.
“what boyfriend?” I pretended to hide. His head turned slightly sideways to catch me at the corner of his eyes.
“we both know.” He said. I didn’t want to debate with him again. I grabbed a pillow and rested my head on it for a while.
Eyes were getting heavy, my breath was slowing down. I felt relaxed. Raymond turned one of the lamps of and sat near my feet. Slowly and surely, he started humming a song. But I didn’t listen to it long enough because soon enough, I fell asleep. Spellbound to my dreams, I invited myself to dream of wonderful things. these were the things that made me want to continue another day; to continue being alive.