for today

well. i haven't really got down on words about exactly what it's been like for the past months without rocky. but let me just say that it has been the most excruciating feeling of all.

being left behind by a person you love the most is the most, if not, regrettably painful thing in the world. but after every annoying detail about our breakup has become an epitome of reality, i've realized that i can't have him back by living in the past.

i know that i haven't been exactly the most perfect girl for him. but now with aian, all that has changed. i don't want to see myself hurt by him anymore. i don't want aian to see how i'm still desperately trying to move on. i really don't want aian to think that the only reason why i'm still with him is because i'm just using him to fill the void. i am enjoying my life with aian now. but never in the same way as i was with rocky.

for today, i face the challenge of being faithful to aian. i'm not exactly a saint by lying to him by saying "i love you". i'm the greatest cheater of all. even though i'm not seeing anyone other than him, i'm still bound by my inevitably controlling past...