a little god=themed reflection

May 11, 2009

“talk to me - God”

I was on the way home from a mall somewhere in the upper portion of my barrio. People come there either when the other malls have run out of meat or that they just want to say that they bought it there. But while my mother drove me and my dad home, this billboard was raised.

My mother then decided to go downtown to pick up my other sisters so we could go to jolibee for lunch. Then, a jeep passed by with “pray hardest” splashed all over its mudguard. Still ignoring it, my mother went on driving us to the destined place. It was somewhere between where my sisters waited and limketkai when I saw another jeep with a painting on the side of it. It was a book with a line from the bible saying “for God so loved the world that he gave his only son. And who so ever believes in him will not die but have eternal life.”

Both mad at the images and a strong sense of guilt, I told my mother to drive faster. I didn’t want to pray. It was a complete waste of time. Of course, “God” will answer your prayers when you do something for yourself. Of course things will come true for you. Of course your life will improve if you work hard. Of course these things will happen; with or without God. Or so I thought…

Just a week after that, I saw my grades. All were almost good except for 1 F. it was in computer. Although it was a minor and it completely meant nothing to me, it still tarnished my almost perfect mark. I could have been a dean’s lister had it not been for that stupid F. then almost all my classmates who barely did anything passed it with flying colors. And I, who had nearly burned my eyebrows to just get a grade, failed!

So I went on like, “oh it’s fine. I didn’t like the class anyway”. But deep inside, I was so frustrated with myself. I hated every inch of my brain for not knowing that this would happen. I hated myself for everything. Just then, I turned to God and said, “this is all your fault. You should have told me that it wasn’t a good choice to take that class.”
Well, the reply wasn’t as holy as you might think it was. No, no light came shining through and “God” stepping down from heaven with his angels singing behind him. No, it was nothing like that.

It was all because of a memory of my teacher in philosophy. He told us a story about a barber. So the story went a little like this…

There was a man who desperately needed a shave. Feeling the itch, he went to a barber nearby. The barber automatically accommodated him and shaved him. The man decided to get a haircut since he was already in one place. The barber and he had a small talk. Such that it came to an interesting topic…
“do you believe in God?” asked the man.
“no!” the barber replied. Curious, the man asked again,
“why not?”
“if there was a God, there wouldn’t be people like those!” he said while pointing out to a mangy beggar outside the barber shop, trying to find his meal in a garbage can.

He decided to stop asking questions thinking it was both irrelevant to persuade him. The man respected his beliefs and after the haircut, went his way.
Just then, the beggar came his way. And the man came across an idea. He went back to the barber and screamed; “barbers do not exist!”

The barber, both confused and mad, “are you crazy? I just shaved you and you tell me I don’t exist? I’m right here!” the barber refuted.
“look at him! If there was a barber, he wouldn’t look like that!” the man screamed again.
The barber looked out the window and asked, “which one?”
“the beggar!” the man pointed out.

Angrier than ever, the barber replied, “that! That is what happens when people don’t come to me!”
“exactly!” the man screamed. “that is what happens when men don’t come to a barber!”
“what’s your point?” the barber asked while scratching his head.
“people suffer because they do not go to God just like men become mangy if they do not go to the barber!” he screamed. The barber kept silent and the man left the barber shop.

Then almost suddenly, I went to the chapel at the center of the university and almost ashamed, I said I was sorry.
Everyday since then, I didn’t pray that much. But everything I did was offered to God. I would just say, “lord, you know I’m doing my best, I just need you to meet me half way. Show me signs if you have to. Keep me safe” for every thing that happened to me.

And so far, I’ve been doing good in school.

I’m not saying that God will pass us when we fail. But it is so much easier to believe in something than nothing at all. And it’s so much easier to believe that everything happens for a reason. Our lives are not for us to understand. It was not made to fit our limited reasoning. It was made for us to believe, trust and hope on something even though it is cosmologically impossible. And that is faith. Our lives were built for so much more than this earth can possibly hold, control, and if possible; understand.